Always remember; today is but a blip.
Always remember; today is but a blip.
The colors in my head are vibrant. I’m not quite sure how to replicate them on canvas or in words, but I want to interpret them through my soul. I find the vividness exhilarating. Brilliant hues, purple, blue and yellow. Greens are filling the skies with splashes like voices scattered through my heart; the light is shining. The inspired craving of excitement and longing but, also fulfillment. Once I find this key, this bit of time that I can perceive and project there will be a new meaning to my life. It’s like when you close your eyes and the shapes behind your lids move like a lava lamp, growing, and shrinking. Bright then gone to black to be replaced by something new. Yellow perhaps. The dance is impactful, and I hold it tightly to me knowing I will need to let it go. There is silence, and yet the music plays. There is sadness yet, I feel a growing joy. I can’t explain it at all, but I know somehow I need to share this gift, this internal maze that is the essence of who I am. The bright colors under the surface, the light pulsing in an effortless means to escape. The truth is there, within the walls of my mind, flowing down to my heart, to my stomach, to my toes. It runs like a river in and out, up and down. The blood pumping, racing yet still, with moments of contentment. Finally, I find it, slowly coursing, inviting me towards it. A ghost, reaching for me in fuchsia with purple edges gleaming. I know I cannot resist. I lie down, comforted, surrounded, and hovering within myself. I am finding love. The melody spins me. I’m dizzy with delight, calm. I am ready to grow, to break free to release the light, the colors, the gifts, to share them outwardly with the world. To know who I am and where I stand. It is in this release that I will find myself.
To love is…
to hold not only the fun but the fear.
to find security in what you do not know;
In what you are willing to learn.
Who Am I?
A lost child?
A powerful woman.
How do you begin to forgive yourself for being unforgiving?
I seek a destination
in the blurred lines
of my consciousness.
is not necessarily
where I reside.
It’s in the distance
in the past where
I find myself lingering
Searching for the answer
I am only present
in fleeting moments,
like a buzzing sound
flashing by me as I sleep
How do I stop traveling?
Savor the now?
The air is only sweet
when I take it in deeply.
Perfection is weakness.
Courage, growth, forgiveness;
That is strength.
I’m starting a new regular post called My 10 Minute Rants. It stems from a writing exercise, and I thought, why not share some of these unfiltered mind utterances. So here goes the first from 1/18/17.
As I watched the sun glow against the oncoming train. My mind wandered into a new world. The world of those that surround me. I started thinking about the lives of those I do not know but that I sit beside each day on the metro north train that snakes its way along the Hudson from dusk till dawn. I can’t help but wonder what is happening to them, does this election affect them, do the care. I can’t quite place my finger on my curiosity other than to say it’s fascinating to know the world is so much bigger than me.
I live in my small but broad world. No matter who we are there is a bubble that surrounds us keeping someone at bay. For some the bubble is larger and more pliable, it doesn’t break easy and allows other bubbles to connect and travel with them. Others break at the impact of something new. Instantly bursting in fear due to its fragile nature and limited experience. It is when we connect and float together that the world opens and shifts, even if we are still floating in our own private sphere. Being able to take others for the ride or jump on to become a part of something greater, it is that pliability that ensures we will live on and change the world.
I am terrified to live small. I don’t want to break, I want to be able to look at things differently, from a new perspective; one I may never have known if not for the freeloading bubble that latched on. It’s sad too when that bubble lets go, sometimes never to be seen or experience again, at least not in the same way or from the same perspective. But the experience never dies, in fact, it is passed on to a new traveler along the way at another time, perhaps when it, or you needs it most.
Often my isolation can send me floating off, distant and alone. But I know my sphere is durable and will latch on again at some point somewhere in time. There is so much to see, to learn and to teach. Yes, I too can teach. I can and should share what I know, what I have gained from those who were once a part of my journey. It is how life works. We build these worlds that seek out and connect to one another, then drift off into the unknown.
I’m inclined to explore the rocky roads.