As she swept
the book out from
her lap so came
all interpretations of
trickling down the binding
I love when I see something and the words spill forth in pure inspiration completely out of my control. This poem came to me after seeing a provocative image a friend posted on Instagram with the note…”Many interpretations…all accurate.” Thank you, Vesta
Reaching toward indecent exposure
My body writhes inside.
Gasping with each incomparable breath,
Waiting to exhale with no relief.
Heat relieving pressure
Where hands play conforming to my shape.
Bodies melding in the molten fire of one being;
Sometimes I am so full of energy I am not quite sure what to do with it. In fact, I overwhelm myself so much that I shut down to some extents. Right now in my life is an oddly troubling time, but as I sit in it, this strange phenomenon seems to be happening. I am getting sparked. I am all of a sudden inundated with ideas and possible connections. It seems like people are reaching out and I want to give…give…give. I fear to spread myself too thin. I’m apprehensive to take on too much. In reality, I dread my life passing to quickly as it often does when my energy gets the best of me. I go…go…go until all of a sudden it’s two years later, and I realize I don’t even know where I’m heading anymore. I will say, this time feels different. I feel ready for something; I’m not quite sure what, but I believe it’s coming and coming fast. I am more aware of myself than I have ever been, more content and calm than I have ever known and oddly more stable, as unstable as my current situation is. But there is this openness, this flow I do not want to plug. It is rushing forward. It’s personal, it’s professional, and it’s political. I am in a black hole rushing through to the other side, not knowing when I will be thrust out into the unknown. I don’t want to lose myself; I want to keep a clear head. I don’t want to focus on what’s hard, but instead, on what’s possible. My true nature is emerging as it did in my late teens and early twenties, but without the baggage that held me down. It is all me. I want clarity. I seek the truth, I am ready to understand my purpose, and I am scared as hell! There is a ship awaiting me on the other side of this wormhole, and I will happily set out on this crazy endeavor with my voice loud and powerful. I know deep down that this year will help define me in one way or another. And finally, I believe that is a good thing. It is time for that rock that has been weighing me down deep inside to be passed, tossed out into the atmosphere to break apart and turn to dust, the stardust that will guide me.
As I take a deep breath my heart slows down and my nerves calm. I am in a state of awareness that I often let slip away throughout my day. It is a strange time. Like floating away on the ocean, there is both calm and chaos. The sound of the water rushing by, the waves crashing. There is that calming swoosh like the echoes in a conch shell. It’s a rhythm that connects us to the earth. And yet, there is fear. In the ocean, we cannot see what is below us or even what is around us. We are vulnerable to the creatures below and the elements that encompass our being. Our bodies are living and breathing. Always wondering what is next. How will I survive? Will I survive? Can I do this alone, never mind do it at all. These thoughts are there to remind us of what life puts before us. To remember that we can ask for help. That this little piece of chaos is not the norm and that we can survive it. I take in the calm, let the sun fall over my skin and drink in its warmth. It is a puzzle this life. We make it complicated and often confusing when it need not be. Then, we ignore when it is time to stop, breathe and think long and hard about our next steps because that is what will lead us to our purpose. Learning to recognize this, this little voice in our heads that reaches out and says…follow me; I know the way. We act as if this is that ocean, filled with chaos and fear. I say breathe deep, listen to the song in the air and remember who you are. I know it’s easier said than done, if not I wouldn’t always be exploring what my soul pushes forth. But, I must, that is my fate. To grow, to risk, to dare to be more than I thought I could be. To seek the things I never thought possible. To know that whatever it is my soul acknowledges, whether, in a dream or, a thought or an idea, it can be true. My belief system is broken and now is my time to rebuild it. To have faith, not in God or the world around me, but for God’s sake…to have it in myself; the one truth I know, the one thing I have that no one else does. My heart is capable of the openness it seeks.