Embracing the Release of Control


It is fascinating how one’s mind bends when it’s thrown for a loop. Focus becomes a consistent struggle and multitasking is impossible. It’s like there are a bunch of gnomes buzzing around in there with their own personal agenda and no care for what I need right now.

This is what happens when you like to be in control, then life decides makes decisions for you. There are choices to be made. Priorities shift and time is no longer about planning and scheduling, but simply dealing and facing the reality of what must be done.

I would have thought this type of situation would send me off the deep end. In the past, anxiety would take over and anger would set in. I do not like not having my way or being pushed in a direction that wasn’t in my plan, but perhaps it’s a gift. I say that because in the past it has not been my reaction, however now is different. Now my priorities are about what I need literally, physically, mentally and so on. There can be no one else in the equation.

Oddly, there is a certain kind of peace in that.

So to the gnomes playing various games in my head right now…play on. I will sit here and breathe until you are done. Then I will breathe again, release control over all those outside distractions, settle down and take care of me.




Author: Finding True North

Nichole Donje is a interdisciplinary artist, activist and leader. A philosopher and self-exploration addict, Nichole is currently working on two books of art and poetry FINDING TRUE NORTH and LIFE POEMS. She is a visual artist and photographer. Nichole founded and ran the highly regarded New York City based independent theatre company TAPT/The Artist’s Playground Theatre, from 2006-2016. Serving as TAPT’s Artistic Director, Nichole worked diligently to support new and forgotten works that help shape the way we view the world around us. A recognized leader, Nichole served three terms as Vice President of the Board of Directors for The Players and currently served on the Executive Committee. The Players is the oldest theatrical club in the country founded by such luminaries as Edwin Booth and Mark Twain "for the promotion of social intercourse between the representative members of the dramatic profession and the kindred professions of literature, painting, sculpture and music, and the patrons of the arts". A key influencer of the Players current revitalization she has become an advocate for the art and livelihood of a social club. The Players not only honors yesterday’s and today’s luminaries of the performing arts, but also brings back the forgotten art of face to face relationships. Nichole is a member of SAG-AFTRA, LPTW/League of Professional Theatre Women, LeanInNYC, and The Players.

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