This has been an interesting and introspective week. I have discovered the most difficult question of my life, What do I want?
For so much of my life I dreamed huge but never really thought any of it was possible. Circumstances in the past kept me from pursuing the things I wanted. I thought I wanted it all. In reality I have had no idea what having it all means. Since having the means to do what I want I have been incredibly successful at whatever it is I pursue. What has been missing is a foundation. My reason for creating has been unclear which had led to dissatisfaction.
I am now faced with digging in to answer the question. The key elements of what I want: Creativity, contentment, love, change, activism/compassion, personal growth, connection and trust are becoming clear. I just need to understand how it all connects, why these elements are important and what they mean to my process.
I want my voice to be heard, it’s imperative. I want to do this through creative means, that’s clear. I have struggled with allowing myself the breathing space to actually simply create. I always focus on the outcome of everything I start. I don’t know I have ever given myself the time to sit with what it is I really want to say.
Every thing I have done creatively over the past few years has been cerebral and overthought. My mind goes directly to business and away from fun. I really want to tell stories in whatever form they take in the moment without judgement. My goal right now is to learn to live in the process, trusting in myself that it will lead me somewhere.
I believe art grows from within itself; start creating and it will take form. I now need to allow myself the same respect. No more overthinking. No more answers before its time.