What Do I Want?

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This has been an interesting and introspective week. I have discovered the most difficult question of my life, What do I want?

For so much of my life I dreamed huge but never really thought any of it was possible. Circumstances in the past kept me from pursuing the things I wanted. I thought I wanted it all. In reality I have had no idea what having it all means. Since having the means to do what I want I have been incredibly successful at whatever it is I pursue. What has been missing is a foundation. My reason for creating has been unclear which had led to dissatisfaction.

I am now faced with digging in to answer the question. The key elements of what I want: Creativity, contentment, love, change, activism/compassion, personal growth, connection and trust are becoming clear.  I just need to understand how it all connects, why these elements are important and what they mean to my process.

I want my voice to be heard, it’s imperative. I want to do this through creative means, that’s clear. I have struggled with allowing myself the breathing space to actually simply create. I always focus on the outcome of everything I start. I don’t know I have ever given myself the time to sit with what it is I really want to say.

Every thing I have done creatively over the past few years has been cerebral and overthought. My mind goes directly to business and away from fun. I really want to tell stories in whatever form they take in the moment without judgement. My goal right now is to learn to live in the process, trusting in myself that it will lead me somewhere.

I believe art grows from within itself; start creating and it will take form. I now need to allow myself the same respect. No more overthinking. No more answers before its time.

Namastè

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Author: The Gift of Being: On Art, Life & the Process of it All

Nichole Donje is a multi-disciplinary artist, activist and leader. A philosopher and self-exploration addict, Nichole is currently working on two books of art and poetry FINDING TRUE NORTH and LIFE POEMS. She is a visual artist and photographer. Nichole founded the highly regarded New York City based independent theatre company TAPT/The Artist’s Playground Theatre, in 2006. Serving as TAPT’s Artistic Director, Nichole works diligently to support new and forgotten works that help shape the way we view the world around us. A recognized leader, Nichole serves as Vice President of the Board of Directors for The Players. The Players is the oldest theatrical club in the country founded by such luminaries as Edwin Booth and Mark Twain "for the promotion of social intercourse between the representative members of the dramatic profession and the kindred professions of literature, painting, sculpture and music, and the patrons of the arts". A key influencer of the Players current revitalization she has become an advocate for the art and livelihood of a social club. The Players not only honors yesterday’s and today’s luminaries of the performing arts, but also brings back the forgotten art of face to face relationships. Nichole is a member of SAG-AFTRA, LPTW/League of Professional Theatre Women and The Players.

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