The Dig

 

Last night I began an excavation. It is terrifying and exciting. I was invited to join a class filled with an amazing and eclectic group of people to go on a dig. This dig will uncover the layers of our lives to find what’s underneath.

I am terrified of sitting in a room of people, some who I truly admire and exposing myself. I have worked hard for my strength, success and the image of it that I project. In order to protect this side of me I have unconsciously stuffed my creativity. Creativity cannot be stuffed it needs to be nurtured.

I was asked at the end of the class what word expressed how I felt, nothing came to mind so I said “nervous”. In those moments I get fuzzy and anxious. I feel an unnecessary pressure to be deep or poignant (no wonder nervous came to mind). This is why I am enamored with brilliant writers and orators. When I hear a quote that resonates with me or someone makes a speech that touches me personally, I get this stirring in my gut that makes me want to yell…YES!!! Yes exactly! Thank You!

After I left and my discomfort with being put on the spot dissipated the word came; Vulnerable. I felt vulnerable not because anyone made me feel that way, but because there was a side of me that wanted to be. A side that wants to expose myself by releasing whatever it is I think I am supposed to be.

I want to lay my soul bare without judgement or care for what others think. I want to be free of the burden my mind places on my heart so that my art and life can speak with the voice hiding under the layers of my perceptions. Throughout my life I have found a way to never live a lie but somehow also never share the whole truth. The reality is that I do not need to be perfect, know all the answers, how to do everything, or look the part. I just need to be.

The more I delve in, the more I understand that art and creativity are more than pigments and papers, ideas and measurements; they are our humanity. They are our voice in this deafening world.

I am ready. I will excavate and be vulnerable. I will unearth my soul.

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will learn how to live.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Namastè
Nichole Donjè

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Author: Finding True North

Nichole Donje is a interdisciplinary artist, activist and leader. A philosopher and self-exploration addict, Nichole is currently working on two books of art and poetry FINDING TRUE NORTH and LIFE POEMS. She is a visual artist and photographer. Nichole founded and ran the highly regarded New York City based independent theatre company TAPT/The Artist’s Playground Theatre, from 2006-2016. Serving as TAPT’s Artistic Director, Nichole worked diligently to support new and forgotten works that help shape the way we view the world around us. A recognized leader, Nichole served three terms as Vice President of the Board of Directors for The Players and currently served on the Executive Committee. The Players is the oldest theatrical club in the country founded by such luminaries as Edwin Booth and Mark Twain "for the promotion of social intercourse between the representative members of the dramatic profession and the kindred professions of literature, painting, sculpture and music, and the patrons of the arts". A key influencer of the Players current revitalization she has become an advocate for the art and livelihood of a social club. The Players not only honors yesterday’s and today’s luminaries of the performing arts, but also brings back the forgotten art of face to face relationships. Nichole is a member of SAG-AFTRA, LPTW/League of Professional Theatre Women, LeanInNYC, and The Players.

4 thoughts on “The Dig”

  1. Today’s post touched me deeply and resonated in a way that stirred my soul. Thank you for putting into words some of what I’ve been struggling with, that balance between the persona I display and the inner spirit wanting to reveal itself. Brava for your courage! I wanted to jump up on the train and shout, “Yes, that! Exactly that.”

  2. How beautiful is this! Thanks for writing it and thanks for sharing.

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