Letters to Loved Ones

 

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As I think about things that are important in my life, one that comes to mind is the idea of regrets. I have often in my life said that I have no regrets, but it’s not true. Though I may not regret most of the decisions I have made in my life for they have led me to be the person I am now, all too often I have left words to loved ones unsaid and this I do regret, my goal is to change that and this is the first step. In some cases these special someones are still here and other times sadly they are not. I believe these unsaid words are what hold us down and hold us back. That said, Saturdays will be “Letters to Loved Ones”.


Dear A,

I miss you no less today than I did over ten years ago when you left this world. I wish I could describe how beautiful you were; sleek hair with salt and pepper on your chin, long powerful legs and a child’s excitement that made the world around you laugh. I don’t know that anyone could live up to the kind of love and loyalty you shared, but I do wish I had. So often you waited for my attention and my time, and so often I didn’t give the same in return. I loved you I know you knew that, but I was young and self-absorbed; too busy going through my own drama to give you the attention you deserved.

I want you to know that through the years you have been with me every step of the way, you were my first true regret. I don’t say that to be negative or cause hurt I say it because it changed me. I am a better person for learning to never take love like yours for granted. I see the gift I was given and have taken it forward in my life. I have grown for loving you, knowing you, and learning what true unconditional love is from you.

I look back and wish I had spent more time lounging on the floor and playing. I wish I had answered the phone when I was called over and over. I was avoiding someone else and in turn I missed saying goodbye to you. The hardest words I ever heard were “he waited for you as long as he could”. I’m so sorry and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Know that because of you I never ignore multiple calls, I always seek compassion and I never take for granted love sent in my direction. I wish I could say I was now the person you thought I was, but I promise that each year I forgive myself a tad more and I will always strive to be who you saw in my heart.

Thank you for loving me, I miss you.

Namaste

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Author: The Gift of Being: On Art, Life & the Process of it All

Nichole Donje is a multi-disciplinary artist, activist and leader. A philosopher and self-exploration addict, Nichole is currently working on two books of art and poetry FINDING TRUE NORTH and LIFE POEMS. She is a visual artist and photographer. Nichole founded the highly regarded New York City based independent theatre company TAPT/The Artist’s Playground Theatre, in 2006. Serving as TAPT’s Artistic Director, Nichole works diligently to support new and forgotten works that help shape the way we view the world around us. A recognized leader, Nichole serves as Vice President of the Board of Directors for The Players. The Players is the oldest theatrical club in the country founded by such luminaries as Edwin Booth and Mark Twain "for the promotion of social intercourse between the representative members of the dramatic profession and the kindred professions of literature, painting, sculpture and music, and the patrons of the arts". A key influencer of the Players current revitalization she has become an advocate for the art and livelihood of a social club. The Players not only honors yesterday’s and today’s luminaries of the performing arts, but also brings back the forgotten art of face to face relationships. Nichole is a member of SAG-AFTRA, LPTW/League of Professional Theatre Women and The Players.

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