As I think about things that are important in my life, one that comes to mind is the idea of regrets. I have often in my life said that I have no regrets, but it’s not true. Though I may not regret most of the decisions I have made in my life for they have led me to be the person I am now, all too often I have left words to loved ones unsaid and this I do regret, my goal is to change that and this is the first step. In some cases these special someones are still here and other times sadly they are not. I believe these unsaid words are what hold us down and hold us back. That said, Saturdays will be “Letters to Loved Ones”.
I miss you no less today than I did over ten years ago when you left this world. I wish I could describe how beautiful you were; sleek hair with salt and pepper on your chin, long powerful legs and a child’s excitement that made the world around you laugh. I don’t know that anyone could live up to the kind of love and loyalty you shared, but I do wish I had. So often you waited for my attention and my time, and so often I didn’t give the same in return. I loved you I know you knew that, but I was young and self-absorbed; too busy going through my own drama to give you the attention you deserved.
I want you to know that through the years you have been with me every step of the way, you were my first true regret. I don’t say that to be negative or cause hurt I say it because it changed me. I am a better person for learning to never take love like yours for granted. I see the gift I was given and have taken it forward in my life. I have grown for loving you, knowing you, and learning what true unconditional love is from you.
I look back and wish I had spent more time lounging on the floor and playing. I wish I had answered the phone when I was called over and over. I was avoiding someone else and in turn I missed saying goodbye to you. The hardest words I ever heard were “he waited for you as long as he could”. I’m so sorry and I will regret it for the rest of my life.
Know that because of you I never ignore multiple calls, I always seek compassion and I never take for granted love sent in my direction. I wish I could say I was now the person you thought I was, but I promise that each year I forgive myself a tad more and I will always strive to be who you saw in my heart.
Thank you for loving me, I miss you.