I have been thinking constantly about writing and blogging, but until this moment have I sat down determined to write a post. I admit it has been a crazy busy season and finding time to sit and write, without judgement (this is the key) has been almost impossible.
I would like to think that as connected as I am to myself I could allow a mean statement to wash down my back and away. But the reality is that when someone I love hurts me, I am hurt and that’s OK. A couple months ago I was accused of something that was completely untrue. When I tried to defend myself I was told that, well…that’s how they saw it and they call it like they see it. As if that somehow made it true? The more I experience comments like this, the more I believe its simply an excuse to be mean and prove oneself right. They did not hear or care when I tried to understand, instead they insulted who I was and how I show up. In reference to my writing and my view of the world I was told, “I’m not as DEEP as you”, again as if that was an insult?
For whatever reason I have found this difficult to get past, I truly love this person and consider them an essential part of my life. In one fell swoop I was accused, insulted and quite honestly (in the moment) led to question every bit of support given to me over the years.
Since then, in my deepness and in reflection here is what I have learned.
Its ok that I stepped back for a moment. I needed time to process my feelings and that is human. What was thrown at me as an insult, is actually a compliment. I have realized that the things I write about, the sometimes painful ones are not me holding on to the past, but me confronting, accepting and even embracing them. In confronting the past without anger and with intension, I am not holding on to, but instead accepting that this is my life and my experience. These things and these people are what has made me who I am and my life is truly a gift.
What I do believe is that what it is essential to release over and over, is anger. We cannot tell ourselves that we are past something when anger continues to brew, ready to lash out at some unexpected moment. I will not allow anger to keep me from my purpose and to live my intentions. Instead I will always choose to forgive and move forward.
Today I accept that I nor anyone else is perfect. I am living and learning passion without excuses. I thank life for the gift of sadness and mistakes so that I can continue to learn compassion and joy.
Take a moment today to think about what is holding you back? What do you have to say that you have not said, not in anger but as acceptance?
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Mary Oliver
Myself, I will be writing and posting and creating as often as I can!