I KNOW..or at least I thought I did?

 

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At my age now I have recently discovered that what I really am in this moment is a teenage girl searching for who she wants to be in this world.  I see this in the books that excite me like HUNGER GAMES and DIVERGENT series where young women are strong both physically and morally; girls who change the world for having the courage to trust and be themselves.  The grown up side is reading LEAN IN and THE POWER OF 2; leadership books that help me find the power within myself to both inspire and be inspired.  I find myself seeking inspiration and motivation to be a better person making choices that empower me and those around me.

I want to grow beyond myself.

I don’t necessarily think this is an odd search at my age, but it is oddly unfamiliar.  I think in the past, I thought I knew what this meant; now I KNOW what it means and that knowledge somehow makes it scarier and more inspiring all at once.

When we’re young we are daring in a ways we lose as adults.  Everything is a discovery because its the first time.  As an adult WE KNOW.  We know the consequences and the possibilities.  We’ve made so many of these mistakes already.

I find at times its harder when you KNOW or at least think you do.  Your inhibitions are lassoed. But here is the real recent discovery, or should I say rediscovery.  Its ALWAYS the first time ANYTIME because no matter what each time is new, and different things can happen.  I think we spend so much time telling ourselves I KNOW that we forget that there is opportunity for change and reinvention in every action.

I’m not saying that the concept of perfecting an act isn’t true.  But think about it, in every practice session there is the opportunity for new insight, for new and more efficient skills and yes for something to go wrong, something unpredictable.

Perhaps your practicing your sword juggling act for the theatre festival next week. You’ve taken the time to build your skills and perfect your act.  You haven’t dropped a sword in 3 years.

Now your outside in a crowd, the stakes are high…you drop a sword!  The skills you’ve built through hours and hours of practice ensure you react quickly, instinctively.  No one gets hurt.  BUT, you dropped the sword.  Here’s the question: Is that the end or is it an opportunity?

Yes consequences will be had; worst case, the loss of the job, best case you work it into the act and all believe it was on purpose.

Where is the opportunity?

Its in learning what went wrong.  It is in figuring out not just how you reacted physically, but mentally.  It is in facing the fear of doing it again even when you failed to be perfect.

It is in our growth and courage that we become better people.  Stronger people.  People who’s example WE want to emulate.

Namaste

© Nichole Donje

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2 thoughts on “I KNOW..or at least I thought I did?

  1. Hi Nichole! I can relate with your story. This year I am totally paralyzed with fear and uncertainty since my dad passed. I always thought he would be here for ever. Everything is different and scary to me now. I also apreciated the poem you posted by Maya about the giant trees falling. My dad had such a giant presence in mine and so many other’s lives. It feels like the air has been sucked out of the room now. I have tears while writing this to you. love you much, and looking forward to your blog. BTW, I loved the Hunger games and Divergence series! I’m a sci-fi and fantasy nut

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